All That Remains
by Broedy
Summary: Set post Lonesome Dove miniseries, what might have happened between Dish and Lorena.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: As much as I loved the Lonesome Dove miniseries, the thing that always disappointed me was what happened with Dish and Lorie, or more precisely what _didn't_ happen. But that's what fanfic is for, I guess!**  
**

**All That Remains**

**Chapter 1**

The day Lorena had been dreading had arrived. She knew from the nervous way Dish fingered the hat in his hands, shuffling awkwardly from one foot to the other, and looking about the room to avoid her cold stare. She knew it was coming ever since Dish had appeared at Clara's ranch in the middle of a snow storm, half frozen and alone, having ridden all the way from Montana to find her. He believed himself in love with her, wanted to marry her, wanted to make a respectable women of her, she supposed.

She had tried to deter him. Lorena had never paid him any attention beyond that of common courtesy, if you could even call it that. She resented his presence at Clara's ranch, the place she was growing to think of as home. It had been so long since Lorena had anywhere she could think of as home, and Dish threatened to ruin it. He was a constant reminder of her old life, her years in the dusty room above the Dry Bean in Lonesome Dove.

Memories of her old life were forever linked to those from her days in captivity with Blue Duck and his gang. Lorena wouldn't allow herself to think of that time. Instead she remembered how Gus had saved her, how safe she felt with him, how much she loved him.

But Gus was gone. Killed by Indians and buried somewhere in Texas by the Captain. It had been six months since he had passed through these parts with Gus's coffin, following the same trail the herd had taken north to Montana but this time heading south. She had said goodbye to Gus, she had the letter he had written her hidden away with the few possessions she had, most of them from him. She had said goodbye but she hadn't forgotten him – she wouldn't forget him, as long as she lived.

Lorena would certainly not forget him for Dish. She cared nothing for his feelings for her. They were an irritation, something simply to avoid. The only problem was Dish did everything he could not to be avoided. His working at the ranch was one thing, but he had soon proved himself invaluable to Clara. Naturally gifted with horses, Dish easily managed the work of two men which suited Clara just fine – her husband, Bob, had finally succumbed to his head injury the previous year and July Johnson, though he meant well and was learning quickly, simply did not have the experience to make a good ranch hand.

In Dish, Clara had someone in whom she could entrust her beloved horses. She could share with him her plans for the future and discuss breeding or treatments for lame horses that no one, save Cholo, even understood. Lorena knew Clara wanted Dish to stay, even if she never said it. It made her answer to Dish's question all the more difficult to make.

When he hadn't said anything in a full five minutes, Lorena sighed in annoyance and put her sewing aside. She wished Clara hadn't taken Sally and Betsey to the dentist in Ogallala. She wished she had gone with them, despite the impracticalities of having to take Martin with them as well. Instead Lorena had agreed to Clara's request for her to stay behind and watch the boy while they were gone. Cholo, July and Dish were there to look out for her, so she was not afraid to stay on her own. In fact, Lorena was relieved to avoid the crowds in town. The last time she had gone into Ogallala the people and the noise had made her feel shaky. She preferred the peace and quiet of the ranch.

But in staying she had presented Dish with an opportunity to speak with her alone. He never would have approached her if Clara and the girls were there. She continued to ignore him and crossed the room under the pretence of checking on the sleeping Martin in his cradle by the window. With her back turned, she finally heard Dish clear his throat.

"Miss Lorena?" he mumbled, barely audible. He coughed a little and tried saying her name again.

"What is it?" she answered sharply, still not looking at him. Lorena was tempted to poke Martin awake so she could tend to him and avoid Dish for a while longer.

"I been thinking... that is, I was hoping..." Dish fumbled with his words.

Lorena gritted her teeth, swallowing her rising anger. Sinking into the chair beside Martin's cradle, she looked up at Dish with a less than inviting stare. He took a step forward, struggling to say whatever was trying to escape from his lips. His eyes were imploring above his walrus moustache that covered half his face.

"I'd make a good husband," Dish blurted out, then swore under his breath at himself for obviously saying with the wrong part of his prepared speech.

Lorena felt no sympathy for him, she suddenly just felt tired. She wished herself away, some place far away, but where to she did not know. Lorena had always dreamed of San Francisco, and had pestered first Jake and then Gus to take her there. Both men were gone, but San Francisco was still there. She had Gus's money from his half of the cattle herd, waiting for her in the bank in Miles City the Captain had said. There was nothing stopping her from drawing on it and going west to where it was cool, where she could see the ocean. But she had not gone to San Francisco. She had not gone back east to find what little family she might still have there. Lorena had stayed in Nebraska with Clara and her family where she felt she was wanted and perhaps even needed. She had stayed here and so had Dish.

Clara knew that Dish wanted to marry her. They had discussed it on one or two occasions. She had asked Lorena what she wanted for herself – children, a house of her own – but Lorena had not known how to answer. The one thing she truly wanted was Gus, but she couldn't have him. Even if he hadn't been killed, Lorena knew Gus was in love with Clara, not her.

Lorena had not thought of children until she came to live at Clara's. Betsey was her constant companion now, so bright and eager to befriend her that Lorena found the attention overwhelming. Sally was kind to her as well, if a little preoccupied lately with her own infatuation with the ranch hand with the walrus moustache. Lorena saw the way the girl looked at Dish, and was also aware that he was oblivious to her feelings, thinking of her only as a little sister to tease.

But it was Martin who made her think about having children of her own someday. With Clara busy with the horses, he had become her responsibility during the day. Lorena played with him, fed him, bathed him and loved the little boy. But she never thought of him as hers – he was Clara's. She might not be his real mother either, but Lorena knew that the older woman had taken Martin in, and in turn his father July, after losing her own sons, and she loved him possessively.

Clara had suggested to her that having children would be the best part of being married, if she chose to marry, that is. Clara made it very clear that she was not pushing her to accept Dish when he asked, but nor did she discourage his attention towards Lorena. She frequently praised his work to Lorena, noting how she pleased she was when Dish took up her offer to practice his reading at night while the girls did their lessons. Lorena wondered if Clara had intentionally orchestrated her own reading tutorials to ensure they spent more time together. Either way, it meant she could not avoid him all of the time, which would have suited just fine.

So there was the possibility of children to consider. There was also the knowledge that she would be protected, have someone to watch out for her so she wouldn't be taken again. Lorena knew this was probably irrational, that she was already safe at the ranch, but nevertheless she did not discount it. Dish was not as bad as some, and she had known bad men. Dish was amiable, headstrong, and so fiercely devoted to her, but it was nothing she hadn't experienced before. There had been plenty of men who had loved her, and some she even fancied she loved back in her younger days. But it wasn't real love, only need – the need to get away from wherever she was and to be looked after. The only real love she had was for Gus.

Dish was the one here with her now. His expression was anxious as her stony silence continued, but he took another step forward.

"Lorie?" he said, dropping the 'Miss Lorena' which had sounded so stilted and awkward coming from his lips.

Lorena stood abruptly and crossed the room to the chair where she had abandoned her sewing. She picked up the pinafore she was making for Betsey and started picking savagely at the tacking she had placed there only an hour before. She steadfastly refused to acknowledge Dish, but out of the corner of her eye she saw his shoulders slump a little more as he stood in the middle of the room, unmoving and unsure what to say. She sighed again in frustration.

Lorena knew some things would have to change. She couldn't stay with Clara forever, nor could she rely on the woman always being there. She had seen too many people close to her die to trust that. Lorena would have to make her own way eventually, and that thought frightened her more than she cared to admit.

After a few more minutes, Dish finally turned around slowly and headed for the door, defeated. He only paused in his retreat when he suddenly heard her voice, which in itself was a miracle because she spoke to him so infrequently.

"All right," she said emotionlessly.

Dish turned around with a puzzled expression on his face. Lorena glanced up from her sewing briefly and immediately felt annoyance that he did not understand her.

"All right, I'll marry you," she clarified.

Dish opened his mouth in surprise but with obvious joy so she hastily continued.

"But I have conditions," Lorena stated firmly.

"All right," he responded, barely able to say even that.

Lorena stuck the needle into the cloth on her lap and bit her bottom lip.

"I won't be married to someone called Dishwater," she said sternly. "What's your real name?"

Dish blinked. It had been so long since anyone had called him anything else. "It's William. William Boggett."

Lorena nodded, it made no matter to her. "I won't leave here just because we're married," she went on. "As long as Clara wants me to stay I will."

"I like it here, too." Dish smiled and seemed to hope she might smile back. Lorena didn't. In fact she knew what she said next would remove the expression from his face too.

"I won't ever be yours," she snapped, her voice hard. "My heart belongs to Gus. Understand?"

Dish's brow furrowed and his fingers curled nervously around his hat brim once again. "Lorie, I know–"

"I love Gus," said Lorena, cutting him off. "Now and always."

Dish contemplated this for a few moments before nodding in acquiescence, his eyes downcast. Lorena felt no pity for him. He had to know going in that this was how it would be. Those were her conditions.

"All right then," she said coolly.

He looked up at her, unsure what he was supposed to do now. She pinned him with a grim stare, silently instructing him not to even contemplate approaching her. She felt grim satisfaction when he took a step back and seemed eager to leave the room.

"I guess that's settled then," he murmured, a blushing smile returning to his face. He glanced over his shoulder at the door, suddenly intent on leaving before she could change her mind.

"William?"

A strange look crossed his face at the sound of his name. Lorena frowned at the apparent pleasure it brought him. It rankled her, the same reaction his mere presence was having on her, as it often did.

"One more thing," she said, the desire to remind him where he stood with her all too evident in her voice.

"What is it, Lorie?"

"I want you to shave off your moustache. I hate it."

Lorena knew the demand was childish, she really didn't care less that he wore the ridiculous looking thing. But she wanted to see how far she could push him, if for no other reason than to vent her irritation that this was the direction her life was taking. She knew Dish was particularly vain about his moustache. As she suspected he appeared flummoxed at the request, but within moments it had passed. He nodded to her and quickly left the room before she could say anything else.

Left alone, Lorena stood and took a few steps across the room towards Martin's cradle before she stopped. He was still fast asleep. She looked back at the sewing but she had no patience for it now. Instead Lorena put a hand to her throat and wondered what she had gotten herself into.


	2. Chapter 2

**All That Remains**

**Chapter 2**

It was near dark when Clara and her daughters returned to the ranch. Lorena was rocking Martin to sleep in her arms, the toddler's head growing heavy as he nestled into the crook of her neck. She watched from the window as Cholo started unpacking supplies from the back of the wagon and Dish tended the horses. Suddenly embarrassed, Lorena withdrew into the kitchen once more, not wanting to see that Dish was speaking to Clara. She wasn't sure she was ready for them to know what she had agreed to that morning.

Sally and Betsey, tired from their long journey, soon found her and began telling her of their day. Betsey proudly showed off a hole in her mouth where the dentist had pulled a hard to dislodge baby tooth, and announced she had not cried a bit.

"Your supper's ready, go wash up," Lorena said, after Betsey finally paused to draw breath.

Sally smiled indulgently at her little sister and took her by the hand.

"Come on, you'll wake the baby," Sally scolded gently, then rolled her eyes at Lorena. "Children."

Lorena smiled after them both, particularly at Sally's attempts to play the grown up even though she was barely thirteen.

Before the girls returned, Clara entered the kitchen swiftly, in her arms numerous brown-wrapped parcels from the general store. Lorena quickly averted her eyes and set about tucking Martin into his crib which she had dragged into the room so she could watch him as she prepared supper.

Clara said nothing but watched her every move intently. Lorena glanced at her nervously, then went to the stove to retrieve the stew she'd left warming there.

"The men already et," she stated as calmly as she could. Clara had a sharp look in her eyes, and she did not like it.

"I spoke to Dish outside," Clara said eventually, stacking the last of the parcels in the table but not removing her eyes from Lorena. "Is it true?"

Lorena paused momentarily as she spooned out the meal onto waiting plates, a faint blush creeping up her neck to her cheeks. But then she went on serving, as if the question hadn't been asked.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Clara asked.

"I thought you liked Dish," replied Lorena defensively.

Clara sighed and took her seat at the head of the kitchen table. "Oh, I like Dish just fine. Do you?"

Lorena pondered how to answer. "He ain't as bad as some."

"A glowing endorsement," said Clara wryly, before her expression darkened. "But you need to be sure, Lorie."

"I thought you wanted me to get married. You said all those about having children..."

"I know I did." Clara sighed again.

Lorena was perplexed by her reaction, she had expected Clara would be happy at the news. She sat down too, casting the pot aside.

"He doesn't want to leave, if that's what you're worried about."

"What do you mean?"

"If you're worried about losing him, a good hand. I told him we'd stay as long as you wanted us to." Lorena dropped her gaze. "That is, if you still want us to."

Clara reached over and squeezed her hand. "Of course I do. I want you to be happy, Lorie, that's all. Lord knows you deserve it."

Lorena smiled wanly, but both women knew that marriage to Dish was not the obvious thing to make her happy. Clara returned the expression.

"He does love you so."

Lorena's gaze hardened and she withdrew her hand, which did not go unnoticed.

"Dish just wants to love you, Lorie."

"Well, as long as that's all he wants," Lorena replied grimly. "But wanting ain't getting."

She stood to return the stew to the stove when the girls came back into the room. Lorena helped herself to a cup of coffee and took her seat beside Betsey, who resumed her account of their day in Ogallala. Clara sad nothing but ate her supper thoughtfully, watching Lorena once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**All That Remains **

**Chapter****3**

The noise of a door slamming reverberated through the house. In the parlor, Lorena dropped her eyes to her sewing and didn't bother trying to make small talk with Betsey to mask the muffled voices that could be heard from above. The girl looked bewildered but refrained from asking what her sister was so pent up about, at least until her mother returned.

Upstairs, Clara followed Sally into her room after attempts to talk to her through the closed door only resulted in a weepy voice telling her to go away. Closing the door quietly this time, Clara took a seat patiently by her daughter's form which was slumped on her bed.

"Sally, stop crying now."

"Why is she doin' this? She don't even love him!" cried Sally vehemently through her tears.

"_Doesn't_ love him," Clara automatically corrected, then sighed. It was difficult to argue with the truth, but Sally's reaction to the news of Dish and Lorena's engagement was more about her own infatuation with Dish than Lorena's lack of feelings towards him.

"It's not fair," Sally moaned. After a few more gulping breaths she swiped her face with her hands and ceased crying.

"I know, my darling." Clara tucked Sally's hair behind her ears in a caress. She did not often show her daughters much physical affection – she'd lost much of that gentleness when her sons had died. But a girl needed her mother when her heart was broken for the first time, and Lorena's decision to marry Dish had done just that for Sally.

"Come downstairs for some buttermilk," Clara said, forgetting she was saving the milk for a cake she was planning on baking the next morning.

She walked a reluctant Sally downstairs, not surprised when she brushed haughtily into the kitchen, ignoring Betsey and Lorena in the parlor.

"What's wrong with Sally, Ma?" asked Betsey.

"Your sister's just fine."

Lorena glanced up and caught Clara's eye and was relieved when the older woman gave her a quick smile. Clara's smirk had more to do with the fact that Dish hadn't appeared inside the house all day, no doubt choosing to miss today's reading lesson in case Lorena wanted to tell him she'd changed her mind about marrying him. Clara wondered if they'd see hide or hair of him before the wedding.

Clara took her seat in the parlor even after Sally refused to join them. She decided to leave her daughter alone for a spell, and discussing wedding plans was not about to help lessen her misery.

"The preacher'll be making his rounds soon. I reckon he's due in a few weeks," Clara commented.

Lorena barely nodded and showed no interest in the announcement, unlike Betsey who beamed happily. Clara picked up a catalog that she'd collected in town and flicked through it, but her eyes frequently sought Lorena across the room.

"What are you going to wear?" Betsey asked. She was the only member of the family who could not contain her excitement at the thought of Dish and Lorena marrying.

Lorena glanced at her but only offered a shrug.

"We could make you a dress. I'd help. There's still time, right, Ma?"

"Time enough to make a dress, if that's what Lorie wants," Clara offered. "'Course we could always buy one in town."

"I got a dress," Lorena said sharply, wishing to cut short any further conversation on the matter. She cleared her throat and softened her tone after catching an amused look from Clara. "My lavender dress will do, I guess."

"But you always wear that…" Bestey started to argue, then bit back her words when Clara's expression was no longer so jovial.

"Your lavender dress will be just fine," Clara said.

Silence fell for a few moments until Betsey piped up again. "What am I gonna wear, Ma?"

Lorena rose abruptly from her seat and mumbled an excuse to leave the room. She headed for the kitchen, but realizing that Sally was in there still sulking, she chose the porch instead. She welcomed the fresh air, breathing deeply and trying very hard to erase the thought of the wedding from her mind.

Lorena looked over the yard to the lot where the men were breaking a horse. At least, Dish was breaking the horse, while Cholo and July shouted words of encouragement from on top of the fence posts. Lorena looked away. She hadn't spoken to Dish since he proposed the previous day.

Not for the first time she wondered if she had made a dreadful mistake. Sally was upset, and Clara didn't seem entirely supportive of the idea either. Lorena hated turmoil and that was all her decision had appeared to bring the family, save Betsey who was just excited at the thought of a wedding at the ranch.

She heard footsteps behind her and Clara appeared at her side.

"Making wedding plans?" she asked mischievously.

Lorena shot her a withering look and pressed her lips together. Clara smothered a smile and refrained from any more teasing.

"Sally will get over it, don't you worry. It's just a little crush."

"She hates me," mumbled Lorena.

Clara sighed. "No she doesn't, she's just feeling sorry for herself. She's too young for those sorts of goings on anyway."

Neither woman spoke her several minutes. The noise from the lot was the only sound to break the silence as the blazing afternoon sun started to turn the land orange.

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" Lorie asked quietly.

Clara did not answer immediately. She turned to face Lorena, her head cocked to one side as she contemplated her.

"I think you both deserve to be happy. Perhaps, in time, you'll be able to make each feel that way."

"And until then?"

"You try not to make each other too miserable, I guess."

Lorena crossed her arms and felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Clara's words were not exactly encouraging.

"I told him to shave off his moustache," she said after another pause.

Clara looked bemused. "Why?"

"I guess I was trying to make him a little miserable."

A stifled laugh was Clara's response. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked away, but after a few seconds she laughed out loud. Lorena, surprised at her reaction, watched her for a while, then a grin appeared on her own lips, followed by a soft chortle.

"He loves that moustache," Clara said between breathy giggles.

"I know."

Both women laughed anew until Clara slung her arm around Lorena's waist and wiped a tear from her eye. Lorena couldn't remember the last time she had laughed like that. It seemed inappropriate that it should be over the thought of making her future husband unhappy, but that was how it was.

"Maybe there's hope for you yet, Lorie," said Clara, giving her a squeeze. No stranger to teasing men, she couldn't help but approve of Lorena's decision to torture Dish a little. And maybe Lorena could grow to feel some affection for him, if she gave herself – and him – half a chance. Clara hoped with all her heart that she would.


	4. Chapter 4

**All That Remains**

**Chapter 4**

True to his word, Dish shaved off his moustache. A week after the proposal he volunteered to collect supplies from Ogallala, though Clara had not long made a trip to town. He returned with the mail, a new jacket and a freshly shaven face. The girls were playing with Martin on the porch when he walked up from the stables. Sally gasped when she saw him, unprepared for how different he looked, and thinking him even more handsome than before. Her longing only grew when he flashed her a smile and ran a hand down either side of his face.

"What d'you think?" he asked.

Sally only blushed in response but Betsey complimented him.

"Is your Ma around… and Lorie?" Dish asked casually, though his throat almost constricted on his future wife's name. His anticipation of her reaction had grown steadily during the journey back from Ogallala.

"Ma! Dish is back!" Betsey yelled from where she stood.

Clara emerged from the house wiping her hands on a rag, and broke into an instant grin when she saw him. Without the shaggy walrus moustache to dominate his features, Dish looked several years younger. Her smile faded when she was struck by the thought that her eldest boy would have only been half a dozen years younger than Dish had he lived. She was reminded again of the terrible loss she carried within her that continued to surface without warning, even after so many years.

"It was Lorie's idea," Dish said even though Clara had refrained from commenting on his lack of moustache.

"I heard." Clara accepted the mail he offered her but did not return to the house. Clara and the children watched with amusement as Dish toed the ground agitatedly.

Clara felt a twinge of pity for him. It was clear he only cared about one person's reaction. She took a few steps backwards and opened the screen door to call for Lorena.

She took her time responding. When she did she stayed on the doorstep, annoyed at the way they were all staring at her.

"What?" Lorena mumbled.

"Dish is back from town," Clara said, tilting her head in his direction.

"I see that."

Lorena glanced only briefly at Dish, noting the change that made him look boyish, but refusing to give any of them the satisfaction of a surprised or pleased reaction. She cared little for this gesture, which she'd only demanded out of spite. She was also angry at the way her indifference seemed to wound him, as he stared at her with an eager expression. Lorena knew he was waiting for her to comment, but she wasn't about to fulfill his wish.

Dish waited several long moments in case she decided to say something or maybe even smile, but she did neither. Disappointed, he touched his fingers to his hat brim.

"I'd best get back to work," he said, and trudged off in the direction of the stables.

"Don't Dish look handsome, Lorie?" Betsey prompted, unaware of her intentional silence on the matter.

Lorena didn't even shrug. "I didn't notice."

"Girls, you go on in the house now. Supper'll be ready soon," Clara instructed.

Lorena held the door open for them as Sally led Martin inside. She glanced at Clara and suspected she had more to say on her lack of response to Dish, so Lorena followed behind the children to avoid her. Clara shook her head, amused. She turned back to watch Dish slouch across the yard.

"Dish? Hold up," she called out.

He stopped in his tracks, his shoulders slumping further when he saw she was alone. Clara caught up with him quickly.

"Thank you for the collecting the mail," she said unnecessarily.

Dish didn't reply, his eyes trained on the house and any sign of Lorena. Disappointment filled his face, but nothing Clara could say would change that – it was only in Lorena's power.

"I've been thinking, Dish," she said instead, "you'll be married soon. And, maybe in time, you'll have a family of your own."

Dish blushed. The skin where his moustache had been was paler than the rest of his face so the color was even more pronounced. The idea still sounded so foreign to him, not least because he was marrying Lorena after hoping for nothing else for so long.

"How would you feel about taking on more responsibility around here?" She eyed him sharply, searching for any indecision in his expression, but Dish only looked surprised. "Cholo's getting on in years and July…"

"July's been here longer'n me," Dish finished for her, but Clara shook her head.

"July's no top hand and you know it," Clara said bluntly. "I'd like you to help Cholo – learn about being a foreman. You reckon you can do that?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said eagerly.

"You'll get an extra $5 a month. How does that sound?"

"Well, that sounds just fine, Mrs. Allen," Dish said, embarrassment turning his ears red under his hat.

Clara thrust out her hand and shook his firmly, which surprised Dish even more. Clara Allen was like no other woman he'd ever met.

"That's settled then." Clara began to walk away, but after a few steps she turned around and looked at him thoughtfully. "Be patient with her, Dish. And be kind."

Dish did not hesitate in replying, and did not have time to feel uncomfortable about the personal nature of her request. "I will, ma'am."

Clara only hoped Lorena would do the same for him. She doubted it, but there was no point talking Dish out of loving her or wanting her, Clara knew that much. She smiled sadly and made her way back to the house.


	5. Chapter 5

**All That Remains**

**Chapter 5**

July said nothing for a few days when Clara told him of her decision to promote Dish above him. He held his peace, but a begrudging feeling brewed within him whenever he thought about it for too long. July knew his skill with horses was no match for Dish's – that had been evident to all from the first day the younger man worked at the ranch. But he felt aggrieved, because he had been there longer and had certainly worked hard. He might not be able to discuss the horses with Clara the way Dish could, or have the easy comradeship Dish did with Cholo, or be friendly with the girls the way he was. July even wondered if his own son preferred Dish over him.

Jealousy burned within him, especially when he watched as Clara and Dish worked together in the lot. July knew theirs was only a professional relationship. Dish had also made that clear from the first moment he arrived at the ranch – he was here for the other woman and her alone. Nevertheless July was quietly pleased when Dish excitedly announced that Lorena had agreed to marry him. The wedding would occur as soon as the preacher arrived on his usual rounds, and the notion had started July thinking. Dish might have been promoted above him but if he and Clara…

July had thought of little else but marrying Clara ever since Dish had proposed to Lorena. Before it had only been a dream he rarely indulged in, as Clara was such a difficult woman to grow close to. But she had taken him in, and Martin too, so July fancied she cared for him a little. Now all he had to do was work up the courage to ask her. But he had little idea how to broach the subject, having had no practice at proposing. He barely remembered how he'd come to marry Elmira, or which one of them even suggested it in the first place. Ellie was a distant memory when Clara was around.

He watched her now, checking over a horse that Dish had recently broken. She seemed pleased at the job he'd done, and Clara was always pleasant to be around when she was happy about the horses.

"He's a fine gelding," July offered from the fence when he was leaning against.

"He is that. This bunch will fetch a good price."

July didn't miss that Clara's response was delivered to Dish rather than him. He looked away. Perhaps he would wait a while before talking about marriage with her… after Dish and the other woman were wed. July nodded to himself, happy with his decision. Maybe she'd be more receptive to the suggestion after seeing another couple get married. July pretended Clara was the sentimental type, allowing himself that dream for now.

* * *

Dish and Lorena's wedding was the least sentimental Clara had witnessed. The preacher arrived at the ranch a few days later, tired and irritable from his long journey visiting the properties surrounding Ogallala and eager to return to town. The moment he arrived at the ranch Dish had been a nervous wreck. Having successfully avoided Lorena apart from a few very brief conversations, he was now convinced she would call off the betrothal as soon as their wedding day arrived. But to his surprise she did not. Lorena donned her lavender dress and accepted the wilting wildflowers that Betsey had gathered, and stood next to him in Clara's parlor while the preacher performed the ceremony. Dish was in a state of shock throughout and for the remainder of the day. It only lasted a few minutes, and then he and Lorena were married.

Clara prepared a handsome meal which the preacher attacked with gusto, but it was a somber celebration of their union. Lorena had barely said a word all evening and Dish still wore an expression of stunned disbelief. Sally was feeling sorry for herself and Martin had developed a cough which made Clara anxious and July uneasy over her anxiousness. All in all it was an uncomfortable few hours that almost everyone was pleased to have over.

They sat in the parlor after dinner, but conversation was stilted and sparse. The preacher began softly snoring into his glass of whisky until Clara roused him. She was relieved to escort him to the guest room for the night so she could tend to Martin. The girls followed their mother's lead and wished everyone good night, and July and Cholo returned to their bunks with apparent eagerness to be gone from the cheerless parlor.

Dish glanced uneasily at Lorena once Clara wished them good night, not missing the look that passed between the two women. Lorena remained in her seat, ignoring him, which made him feel all the more agitated. He sat down beside her again, unsure what to say, but within a moment she rose to her feet and began to walk out of the room. Dish remained where he was. Lorena knew he was waiting for her to say something or give him some indication about what he was to do, which aggravated her. Didn't he know, couldn't he see, how terrified she was, how much she was dreading what was to come? Lorena breathed shakily, forcing herself to keep those feelings at bay.

"My room is out back," she said, stopping in the doorway when he had not moved.

Warmth flooded into Dish's face and eyes but Lorena looked away. She left the room and this time he followed.

Soon they were alone in her bedroom, now _their_ bedroom, she thought begrudgingly. Dish looked at her nervously from the opposite side of the bed. Lorena turned away and began undoing her dress, her fingers fumbling nervously at the buttons. With a deep breath she slipped the dress from her body, shivering in her shimmy. She could feel Dish's eyes on her which made her even more nervous. She kept her back turned when she heard him pulling off his boots. He made quick work of his clothes and had slipped under the quilt before she could bear to face him. Not meeting his eyes, she slowly climbed into the bed beside him.

They both lay on their backs, bodies not touching which was quite a feat as the bed was not large. Lorena swallowed with difficulty, trying to fight off the terror that was creeping up from her stomach. She had been dreading this moment and had contemplated refusing him, knowing she could easily do it. One sharp look and a word or two and she knew Dish would leave her alone. But it would only be putting off the inevitable. They were married, and sooner or later she had to live up to the responsibilities of being a wife.

She felt Dish's hand brush her arm as he turned on his side to face her. Lorena felt the tremor in his touch and realized that Dish was nervous too. It didn't lessen her fear, however, or make her feel any pity for him. She swallowed again and chanced a brief look in his direction to let him know she was ready.

Dish was gentle – she'd forgotten that he was. Even in his eagerness to have her he still made sure he didn't hurt her. His eyes sought Lorena's before he entered her, but she turned her head away as she felt a pain she had not felt for years.

Lorena had not been with Gus after he rescued her. For all his jokes about cutting the cards he had never approached her in that way again. She had been scared that it meant he did not care for her, but secretly she was relieved.

Now she found herself under a man once more, even if he was taking care to be tender with her, like she might break. Lorena thought distractedly that she might at that. She found herself imagining she was back sitting with Gus outside Wilbarger's old tent, as they had done so many evenings on the trail. He was drinking coffee and telling her stories while she leaned against his arm and played with the fraying sleeve of his shirt. Lorena refused to let her mind wander back to when she was taken by Blue Duck, or her days in the dusty room above the Dry Bean. Instead she thought of Gus, the sound his voice made as it rumbled in his chest, and the way his whiskers tickled her cheek when he kissed it.

She made no sound, but when Dish finished and rolled onto his back once more, she found to her surprise that tears had run down either side of her face. Lorena turned away from him immediately, surreptitiously wiping her face and she feigned falling asleep. She sensed his disappointment that she would not lay in his arms but she didn't care. Lorena wanted to dream of Gus again, to escape to a time when she had felt safe and protected.

Dish whispered good night but she did not respond.


End file.
